Miami Vomit
I'm back from vomiting after watching the premier of Miami Social. This show is so bad. It feels like the end of civilization is upon us. I can hear the barbarians at the gate loud and clear. I know people say that all of the time whenever there's an awful event like 9/11 or something society cranks out that is incredibly low from the literary/arts world or when a real life sci-fi freak like Octomom gets on the scene looking for attention. All of these things have been going on since the beginning of time but this time it feels real. Like scary real so don't even bother to go to COSTCO to stock on food/supplies or go to Home Depot to board up your house. The end is not near. The end is here!
I personally boycott reality TV because I feel like it comes from gluttonous laziness and greed on the part of the networks. It costs nothing to make and they don't have to deal with the writers or actors not to mention their unions too. By going into reality, they've just wiped out their main production costs. It's been one giant holocaust against creativity. All you need is an idea and a crew to film idiots that want to be on TV. It's cost effective and very profitable. The last 17 plus years reality TV has rapidly made it's way from MTV's Real World to major network TV. We've now hit the stump that is Miami Social. This show hits close to home because shit, this is shot is filmed in my hometown! Miami is a great town but it does have a magnetic effect towards douchebags that want to move here to become a local celebrity. There's lots I hate about this town but this is my town and there's few other places that I'd rather live. I love this place and I hate it when film crews have to film something that either entails Cuban drug lords killing each other or a cheesy reality show that focuses in on the bag of the douches that cram it.
The show is dry on creative juices (which is speaking low since this is a reality show after all). The two main stars of the show are sloppy seconds left over from other reality shows. Hardy Hill was on BIG BROTHER years ago and Katrina Campins was on The Apprentice during it's first season. They both live in Miami working at their respective jobs in real estate and nightlife (cough cough). The rest of the cast are a bunch of misfits that I would never bother sneeze towards. Ok, I've met Sorah Daiha out one night after poking each other on facebook many times. She ran up to me and started poking my face. It showed me that she might have a sense of humor and could be cool. I then tried to make out with her by the bar but her friend cockblocked right away so I'm not even sure if I ever had a chance. I've randomly ran into her a few times since and she's always nice but probably a total tease. Ok, I got off track. Back to the show: it's obvious that they don't run Miami and nor are they friends in real life. The producers were too lazy to look around at a real group of friends that know how to have a good time in South Beach. This town has plenty of real life characters that actually do the stuff that inspires people to want to make TV shows out of which is decadence with the rich, beautiful and famous. Does anybody in this cast really fit that criteria? Seriously. The cast lacks chemistry because you can obviously tell that they've probably first met at a production meeting prior to filming. They let them hang out at the Ganesvoort Hotel (how many fucking times did you hear them plug it?) to drink and talk. Even after a few drinks, you can tell that their friendships are faker than the plastic surgery they've all had.
The cast member that stands out the most and is easily the most despicable human being ever to be on reality TV is the semi-homo (is there really such a thing?) and trust-fund baby extraordinaire Ariel. He's an insufferable nightmare to anyone he's ever met and now to the poor audience that watched him. Having to listen to him speak, you will beg for your life to rather have to listen to a cat scratch a blackboard for hours on end. He says he also likes women but he's so obnoxiously gay that he must be a descendant or probably is the first Westerner that went to Africa to have had sex with a monkey in the jungle aka "Patient Zero" then got on a plane in which he then had unprotected sex with a male French-Canadian airline attendant then started to infect the rest of the Western world with AIDS.
It's just such a bloody shame that people get this perception of my hometown that is one of the most beautiful and fun places to be in the whole world. Yes, we have an overload of problems but would you seriously rather be in Cincinnati or Detroit? Fuck no!
Bravo has been the cornerstone to solid reality TV but they've finally hit their dud after years of hits. Let's just hope when this show washes out that they'll at least try to be more authentic with putting together a group of real life characters in a town known for it's charm and unique decadence.
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